|Matkalla Pirkkalan lentokentälle, kohti Englantia ja työharjoittelua|
|Leipuri-kondiittori ja Totoro-kakun valmistus|
Ikävä on valtava. ♥
|Minä & Sini Jaappaniasta tuodut yukatat yllä|
It's been five years to the day since my world came crashing down. Five years ago I lost my sister, and a part of me died with her. Those months five years ago are understandably quite a blur, although some moments are forever etched in my mind. For example, the night befrore I was hanging out with my boyfriend and some friends and kept thinking about calling her, but never did... Or how I had to walk through the city of Tampere to get to the train station, it all felt unreal. Everyone in the train kept staring at me and my teary face. My next memories, the most unpleasant ones are from the coroner's office and of the funeral.
We'll never know whether it was just a desperate act accidentally gone too far or actually an intended thing. There was no note, and it wasn't premeditated. She was such a stubborn, pig-headed and lively girl, who left a huge hole in the life of everyone close to her.
After my sister's death I realized how short and fragile life really is. I then decided to do more of the things I'd only dreamt about, and the first thing I did was get my lip pierced. I started to wear the more original clothing I had bought from Japan, and ventured out with bolder makeup. In my own way I wanted to make her proud of me. I had new friends, a boyfriend with whom we loved passionately, and all I wanted was to tell my sister about all the good things in my life. Sometimes I just wanted to scream out in pain. My boyfriend then suggested I light a candle whenever the pain and longing really hit me. I've since forgotten this habit, but I think it would be nice to revive it again.
I just miss her so damn much...♥